What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 01:47
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
So, i spoilt her more .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
5-Day Workout Plan That Melts Belly Fat for Men Over 50, Trainer Says - Eat This Not That
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
If you get a chance to have sex with either Kajal Agarwal or Samantha, who would you choose and why?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ive learnt so much.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Building the 'Moonhouse': Q&A with artist Mikael Genberg - Space
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Practice Report: Takeaways From Start of Second Week of OTAs - Baltimore Ravens
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why do most people care so much about what others think? Are they afraid of society norms?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
How to reduce your risk of melanoma and other skin cancers - KSLTV.com
Was to survive, this bastard.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I couldn’t, believe it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Put me off passion for life!!
We finally may be able to rid the world of mosquitoes. But should we? - The Washington Post
All the time i was locked up.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why is crypto crashing today? ‘You have absolutely no idea what you own’ - AMBCrypto
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We were not on the streets..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
One cannot live in the past .
I was seconnd youngest,
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And i lived it daily.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I think the readers, may guess!
I was very sick at this time too.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
It was going to be , some day.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I have no regrets .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She wouldn,t have been !
This is soul school!.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And who doesn’t know suffering?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im still living with it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My life is so biszare .
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She loved him until the end.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
When she asked me how she looked .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But it wasn’t much.
I was scared of men, in general
So whats the point in blame.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I write beautiful poetry .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I don,t even have a pension.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I said to her
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Who then, do I blame.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Comes on , in middle age.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was 9 years of age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
He resisted the act ,that day.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.